Masculine / Feminine Energy
I read an article recently that was somewhat disturbing instructing men to meet their woman's tantrums with a "good ravishing". Although I understand what the woman was trying to say in addressing the release of energy and anxiety that can come from sex, it struck me that the article was very misleading and confusing for men looking to understand how to meet a woman's needs.
Several years ago I learned about the power of feminine/masculine energy. Based on our own experiences we have all kinds of things that we wrap up into our definition of "masculine"...physical strength, confidence, ambition, stoic, self-reliant, ...your typical Braveheart kind of guy. The truth is though, that we all have within us both masculine and feminine energy whether you are a man or a woman. Learning to appreciate both and "show up" for your partner in the way that your relationship syncs well is what is key. Masculine energy is about confidence, action, leadership, protector, provider, logic. Feminine energy is about nurturing, giving, feeling, creativity, calm, comfort. Keep in mind, I'm not defining men vs women...I'm defining the energy that both sexes have the ability to access. I spent the better part of my life playing a masculine role in past relationships because after being hurt early on in life I thought I wanted a man who was kind, loving, easy to talk to and nurturing. In the end what I ended up with was a man that couldn't live in his masculine and therefore over time I lost respect for him. I always had to lead, I had to be the problem solver, I had to be the strong one. The only time his masculine side came out was when he got tired of feeling emasculated and blew up. He only knew how to live in his masculine when he was being sexually or physically aggressive. Once I realized that I was bouncing between men whose dominant nature was feminine (the "nice" guys) and masculine (the "bad" boys) always looking for what I didn't have before, I started to shift who I was. I figured out that what a man really wants is to know that he can make his woman happy. What a woman really wants is to be loved and understood. She wants her man to show up and be present (that means turn off the TV, get off of Facebook and talk to her). It's not about always solving her problems, it's about taking the time to listen and understand.
If your woman is pitching a fit, yelling and screaming...take the time to figure out why. Generally it's not what she's screaming about...it's something deeper. She doesn't feel loved, she's afraid, she doesn't feel understood, she doesn't feel important...there is a reason. Take the time to listen, to ask questions...stay strong, calm, confident and loving while she has her meltdown. Be inquisitive, ask her questions...let her know that you care about her thoughts and her emotions. That type of masculinity will get you WAY more great sex than any thoughtless ravishing.